The passage quilt process is a beautiful and delicate collaboration between the individual or family commissioning the quilt, the person or spirit of the one embodied within the quilt and myself as the facilitator and artist. It is a way of helping families navigate loss, or transition, through the repurposing of everyday materials into quilts that carry the essence of their loved one.
Below is an account written by my friend and client, Evette, detailing her experience with Passage Quilting after her dad, Ian, passed away.
Processing Grief Using Creativity.
In May 2021, I lost my dad. The loss was unexpected and sudden, and as many of
you are reading this may relate, nothing can ever prepare you for the loss you feel
when you lose someone close. A quote says, "Grief is the price we pay for love". The
deeper the love, the more profound the grief. My grief was immense.
Talking about death is a difficult topic for many people. When someone dies, many
people don't know what to say. So, often they say nothing. They talk about other
things that try to distract you. But imagine going through pain and loss and not
feeling like you can talk about it. Some people think mentioning the departed
person's name will make you sad, and sometimes it does. But especially for people
like mum, who deeply loved dad, there continues to be nothing more comforting than
talking about and hearing dad's name.
Navigating loss through memory quilting.
When a loved one dies, we often hold onto their favourite things to stay connected to
them. A few months after dad passed, I was out for a walk with Mel who was discussing some of her recent work with me. Mel had been learning about Passage Quilting: the embodied process of making quilts from the clothes of everyday people.
Mel assisted my family in navigating our loss through passage quilting. The process
began by sitting down with mum to go through all of my dad's clothing and select
pieces that would form the finished quilt. Each piece of clothing was rich in stories
about dad's life and our lives with him. We recorded this moment to capture the
emotion and importance of each of dad's memorable pieces. This video became an
artefact for Mel as she began the quilting process.
Passage quilting is a therapeutic process.
Mel was incredible at holding space for my grief. She facilitated the hands-on approach of passage quilting through empathic
collaboration and consultation. The hardest part of the journey for me was cutting the
clothes. I didn’t physically do it myself. I chose to leave that to Mel. But it was difficult
– it represented another moment in the grief process where I was required to say
goodbye to dad all over again.
Memory quilting is a creative process.
It is a process that requires rapport, trust and relinquishing control. The quilt and
artworks were cut and pieced together without a predetermined pattern. The different
textures and forms of the fabrics gave the quilt a life of its own. The finished quilt
carries the comforting essence of my dad's presence. He is not present, but I can
feel his presence.
Letting go.
On what would have been my parents; 50th wedding anniversary several weeks ago,
I passed the quilt to mum. I was nervous. Throughout the journey working with Mel,
mum had handed over all decision-making to me. I desperately hoped she loved it as
much as I did. It was an emotional unboxing, full of tears, hugs and the sharing of
happy memories. Immediately, mum started sharing stories about dad and the
different pieces of the quilt and his life. The quilt gifted her permission and an
artefact to talk about dad and to share key moments and memories about him.
Mum refers to it fondly as her "comfort quilt". This passage quilt of dad's life is an
inter-generational keepsake that will continue to live on.